Imagine being stuck on third mainland bridge by 1am, you can’t reach any uber driver and you’re scared to death. Which of your friends will you call?… I’m sure you’re doing a mental calculation of your friends and the one you know can risk his life to come get you at that time of the night. Ok, you finally decide, “I’ll call Femi”…but the big question is can Femi too call you in a similar scenario?
Friends make life easier for each other. Their strengths and talents balance your weaknesses and gaps inability and you do the same for them. Hence, friendship shouldn’t be used as a means to an end, but as an end in itself. Male friendship can be seen as two men who have a sense of comradely. They may spend time together, have similar interests, or relate on a deep level. They at times can have an unspoken and spoken commitment to the other individual.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Jim Rohn
Let’s put it in context, look at the 5 friends closest to you right now, your life will most likely be a copy of theirs in 5 years!. Shocking?… that’s the power of association!
WHAT IS IT ABOUT MALE FRIENDSHIP?
1. True loyalty: Men have a way of being there for their guys. It’s mostly through gestures and unsaid words. “Come make we go drink beer” “I go push u small thing till month end” “No worry u fit come crash my side and many others” – @osi_suave. Even when there’s a fall out in the relationship. A man will most likely take whatever secrets you share with him to the grave.
2. Non-judgemental: Men practice acceptance of themselves more. Ever wondered why men love to be alone or always want to hang with the boys? Because they get to be free, free to be themselves, Free to be crass, free to say it as it is, free to be vulnerable without fear of being judged or tagged ‘too sensitive’.
3. Straightforward: Ever had a heated argument with your male friend that sometimes led to you guys cursing yourselves out? Yea, been there, but the ease of sorting the issue is what is amazing. Men are very clear of displeasure in their friends and not usually scared to call them out on their nonsense. When one continuously violates the standard beliefs they both share, men, can easily call off the relationship without bad blood. ”yea we like each other, cool, our interests just don’t align anymore. See ya.”
4. Accountability: Men hold themselves to high standards of morality, performance, competence, and general behavior. If you notice on social media, you’ll hardly see women outrightly call themselves out on some ills, rather, they indulge it or be quiet about it. Men, on the other hand, are always quick to call themselves out for bad behavior. They collectively scold anyone in the group that is badly behaved or tarnish the image of the whole.
Public health data suggests that people with large networks of people live a happier and healthier life. Studies have shown an individual can have up to 150 friends, although it’s the quality of the friends that matter not the quantity. Consequently, vet your associations more stringently for people of good character in all manners and regards. Whilst you may on occasion team up with a villain to achieve a mutual end, the body of people around you MUST be solid, decent, and strong.
Here is a list of must-haves people you should have around you:
1. The Work Buddy
I start out with this because your work is your source of livelihood, it’s how you put food on the table and what boosts your confidence as a man. if you’re in full-time employment, you’ll be spending at least 50% of your time at work except you’re working from home. So, you need someone you can have lunch with every now and then or catch up on the latest gist or happenings in your organization or industry. Your work pal doesn’t have to be your best friend outside of work.
They just need to be someone you click with on some level, and if you two hit it off exceptionally well, you can always start hanging out with them outside of the office. Besides, you need someone at the decision-making table to put in word for you for promotion and the likes. So, find a way to network up. However, be wary of office politics and competition and try not to get tangled up in the web.
2. The Neighborhood Friend
Another place you spend an ample amount of time is your home. It’s a place of rest, comfort and peace. People knowing their neighbors is increasingly becoming a dying trend. You need someone around that can help you move a couch when you want to redecorate, borrow tools from, or get the latest development in your hood. God forbid there’s an emergency in the middle of the night or something, you need someone you can quickly call to come to your aid. Your neighborhood friend doesn’t have to be resident in your house, but at least a stone throw away from you.
3. The coach, Mentor OR Sensei
There are some people that have gone ahead in life, what you’re striving to achieve, they’ve been there, done that. They have a wealth of experience and technical know-how. Sometimes a single person can embody these traits and sometimes you need to seek out different people for different mentorship roles.
Also, sometimes we get way over our heads and act crazy. Maybe the promotion is starting to get into your head or your character is getting questionable. You need someone that can hold you accountable and call you to order because they want you to become a better person.
4. The Tech Geek
The world is going digital, there are tools for business development or career enhancements that can make your life easier and efficient more than you can imagine. Your tech friend can hold your hand and direct you as you navigate the digital world and update you on the latest software or online courses you can take to better your career.
5. The Spiritual Friend
Note I didn’t say the religious friend. There are wolves in sheep’s clothing in religious settings that befriend you in the guise of spirituality and hurt, defraud or betray you in the end. I’m a firm believer in knowing God for yourself, not the God your pastor or imam talks about. There are life situations and circumstances that defile human experience or explanation, you need a friend that can join you in prayers and provide spiritual support at such times. Your spiritual friend can also be your accountability partner.
6. The Encourager or Motivator
Most people find these in their girlfriend or wife. Nothing is wrong with this at all, women actually have a way of pushing a man to do better in life endeavors. But what happens when she’s the source of the wahala? Or when it’s a specifically embarrassing dudes issue? Sometimes your self-confidence wanes. Sometimes you just don’t feel good enough or generally going through a rough patch in life. You need that constant voice of encouragement urging you to go on, try again, don’t give up.
7. The Sidekick or Wingman
He’s that guy you go to social settings like parties with, that gives you confidence when interacting with ladies and makes starting conversations smooth. In group settings, they’re often charismatic and make you look good in the eyes of others in public. Always around you, because he just likes your vibes. In the group of friends, he’s likely the one to marry last. In this role, he’s the one who doesn’t let you forget your interest and friends before you got married. Usually adventurous and will probably want you to try out crazy things. Basically, he provides a needed shot of undomesticated masculine energy to your life.
8. A Police Officer and A Lawyer
People are people. Some people will not keep their end of the deal, you will have deals to close, a will to write, and so on. These 2 sets of people are underrated until you actually need them. You need to have a good relationship with them so they can quickly come to your aid when the need arises. A typical Nigerian will certainly know what I mean
9. A Doctor or Pharmacist
There was a time my daughter took ill and it got very bad in the middle of the night. I called my doctor friend, and he was able to tell us what to do as a home remedy to calm the situation until we get to the hospital at the break of dawn. There are times you’re not close to medical care, take for instance during the COVID-19 lockdown restrictions. Your medical personnel friend can either tell you what to do or prescribe something over the phone that can relieve you in the meantime when there’s a health issue.
10. A Dog
Told you the last one will make you smile, didn’t I? well, there you have it. This is the friend that is loyal through it all. Friends may come and go, your dog will always stick by you. With the unconditional spirit and his wagging tail at the end of the day, he is the one that will always be your friend. No matter what you wear, the habits you hide, or anything else he will be by your side. Unlike your friends and family, a dog is one that truly accepts you for who you are.
BEST FRIENDS FOREVER
The best friend you can ever have is yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin, work on yourself daily, and enjoy the company of you. All that is listed above is just to make the journey of life easy to carry on. When it really comes down to it, everybody is actually fighting for themselves including that your best friend. Forge a character that is actually worth it. You owe that much to yourself if you wish to surround yourself with good people. Invest in yourself so you can be selective with others.
It doesn’t mean you’ll be perfect, won’t mess up, will always 100% deliver, etc. After all, you’re human, error runs through your veins – but it does mean this: you will right all your wrongs, and be wise enough to abstain from the greatest mistakes. I hope this piece was helpful, please drop a comment. Would be delighted to hear from you.
Tolulope
