It is said that you’re a product of the kind of parenting you got, is this true or it’s just a myth…Today, I want to share something close to my heart with you. But before we dive in, let me hit you with a quick backstory, this is straight outta my life’s playbook.
I was 14, and boom, I lost my mum. Young me, fresh-faced and clueless, thrown into the lion’s den of authoritarian parenting. Yep, I’m talking about my maternal uncle, the OG enforcer of rules, punishments, and some serious ass-whooping. I’m telling you guys, this dude was the OG of strictness, a real dictator when it came to parenting. Think of high standards, zero compromises, and punishments that could knock the wind out of you.
Yup, I’m talking about some serious floggings, and I’ve got the scars to prove it! Some of those scars even got a makeover into tattoos. Check out the scoop in our last article. https://menstyleplug.com/tattoos-and-dreadlocks-my-story-about-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/
Now, don’t get me wrong, there were perks. Myself and the other kids knew how to follow orders like pros, and when it comes to behaving rightly? Ha, That was a piece of cake (mostly out of sheer terror if we’re being real).
However, there’s a flip side to everything right? Growing up under this iron-fisted regime left me kinda clueless when it came to making my own decisions. Like, I’m talking indecisive as f*ck!. And let’s not even get started on my social skills – they were and still are seriously lacking…
Omo, growing up in my household had me questioning if I was auditioning for a survival reality show. And that got me thinking – what are the pros and cons of this type of parenting style, and what could they have done differently now that I’m a man of my own and a parent myself?
Parenting style matters! It shapes everything from your kid’s confidence to how they rock in school. It’s about finding the Goldilocks zone, where you balance being the cool and understanding parent and enforcing boundaries and discipline.
Now, I know you are curious to know which style you’re repping and which one’s the GOAT. But the truth is, there isn’t one-size-fits-all in parenting. Parenting is like Naija Jollof rice – everyone has their special recipe. Parenting is a mixtape, and you’re the DJ. You can choose the tracks, but it’s the vibe that counts. Researchers did their thing and identified four major types of parenting style:
Authoritarian Style
Authoritative Style
Permissive Style
Uninvolved Style
Let’s take a look at these parenting styles more closely and let’s see which you’re a product of, and which you’ll like to adapt as your style.
Authoritarian Style
It’s the “my way or the highway” style. If you’re nodding along, thinking kids should just zip it and follow the rules without question, you might just be in this category bro.
So, what’s the deal with authoritarian parents? Well, they’re all about laying down the law like my uncle. No ifs, ands, or buts. Think of strict rules, obedience, and discipline on steroids. It’s like living in a military camp run by your own family.
From experience, growing up with authoritarian parents is like walking a tightrope. Sure, you might toe the line at home to avoid the wrath of Mom, Dad, or Uncle like in my case, but the moment you step out with your squad, rebellion is your second name.
Kids raised in this environment often struggle in the social skills department. Deciding stuff on your own? Forget about it. And don’t even get me started on self-esteem – it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Plus, there’s this whole deal with anger management and resentment. When you’re constantly being told what to do without any say in the matter.
Research suggests that kids with authoritarian parents are more likely to hit up substances (drugs) and dive into the depths of depression. It’s like a double whammy of struggles.
So, if you’re rocking the authoritarian parenting style, maybe you should take a second to loosen the reins a bit. After all, nobody wants their kids growing up feeling like they’re living in a dictatorship, abi? And like Rema said in his global hit song, “Calm Down”.
Permissive Parenting
You know the cool cats who set rules but play the enforcement card only when shit is about to hit the fan. If you’re thinking, “Yeah, my house, my rules, but whatever,” then you might just be rocking the permissive vibe.
So, permissive parents are like cool cats of parenting. They lay down the law, sure, but it’s more of a suggestion than a strict code. It’s like they’re thinking, “Kids will be kids, jare” And honestly, they’re more likely to give their kids a high-five or a pat on the back than enforce discipline.
Consequences? Pssh, who needs them? That’s unnecessary to them. They don’t see any need for it. Permissive parents only whip out the rulebook when things are way out of control. They’re all about that laid-back life, believing kids will figure it out on their own. It’s like being best buddy with your mini-me instead of being their boss.
Imagine your kid wanting soda for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No problem! That’s not a problem for you at all. Permissive parents are all about giving in to their kid’s every whim.
But here’s the kicker – while it might seem chill on the surface, there’s a whole bunch of downsides lurking beneath.
First off, they practically run the show at home. It’s like living in a tiny kingdom where they call the shots. And just so you know, this can lead to some serious behavioral issues.
We’re talking about a lack of responsibility – because why bother when everything’s a free-for-all, right? I mean, why bother when everything is handed to you on a silver platter, abi?
Impulsiveness and aggressiveness? They can’t escape this one. When there are no rules, it’s every kid for themselves.
Independence and personal responsibility? Not exactly their strong suits. And let’s not even get started on the anxiety and depression that might come knocking.
Academic struggles? That’s expected. If you’re used to doing whatever you want at home, putting in effort elsewhere doesn’t seem like a top priority.
And let’s remember the entitlement factor. When you’re used to getting whatever you want, humility might not be your strong suit. Plus, with all that freedom comes a higher risk of health problems, like obesity and dental cavities. Who has the time for all that?
So, if you’re leaning towards permissive parenting, it’s time to sprinkle in a little tough love here and there. Balance bro, it’s all about balance.
Authoritative Parenting
Kinda the “gold standard” that’s all about laying down the rules while giving your kids room to spread their wings? If you’re nodding along, thinking, “Yep, I’m all about positive vibes and setting some boundaries,” then you might just be rocking the authoritative parent game.
So, what’s the 411 on authoritative parents? Well, first off, they’re all about building that A+ relationship with their kids. It’s not just rules and consequences; it’s about understanding, fellas. Think of it as being the cool captain of the ship, steering it with a mix of love and common sense.
And here’s the real kicker – authoritative parents don’t just drop rules like a mic; they take the time to explain the why behind them. You’re the captain of the ship while still giving your crew some say in where they’re headed.
Authoritative parents are the kings and queens of setting limits, enforcing rules, and dishing out consequences when needed. But, and it’s a big BUT, they’re not heartless robots. Nope, they are not. They consider their kid’s feelings, bringing a little warmth and understanding to the discipline game.
Now, let’s talk positive vibes – authoritative parents are all about that praise and reward life. It’s like a constant celebration of the good stuff, making the kids feel like superheroes for acing life’s challenges.
Mistakes? Oh, normal level. That’s not a big deal over here. Mistakes are not the end of the world in an authoritative land. It’s all about turning mistakes into learning experiences. As for expectations? Oh, you better believe authoritative parents set the bar high, encouraging their kids to reach for the stars.
And the results speak for themselves fam. Kids raised in this loving, yet disciplined environment tend to be happy, confident, and successful. They’re not afraid to express themselves and are pretty darn good at making smart decisions on their own. These kids can make decisions like pros and navigate the world’s challenges like bosses.
Close, nurturing relationships with parents are the norm. Responsibility and respect? These kids have it on lock. Aggression? Managed like a pro. High self-esteem, confidence, and self-regulation? All on lock. Happiness and success? Oh, it’s practically their middle name.
And get this – authoritative kids can express their emotions like poetry. They’re the MVPs of academics and social scenes, steering clear of the whole drugs and alcohol. They’re less likely to get mixed up in the wrong crowd or dabble in stuff they shouldn’t be messing with. It’s like they’ve got a built-in compass that always points them in the right direction.
So, if you’re all about being the cool yet firm parent, keep doing your thing, bro. You’re raising future leaders, and they are on track to be the next big thing
Neglectful or Uninvolved Parenting
This is where it feels like being a parent is just a distant memory. You know that type, when you’re more MIA than a secret agent? If you’re hearing these statements and thinking, “Yep, that’s me,” then you might just be in the uninvolved parenting squad.
So, what’s the deal with being uninvolved? Well, it’s like being on autopilot, cruising through life without checking in with your kid. School? Homework? Who’s got time for that when you’re busy being MIA?
And let’s talk about quality time – ha, what’s that? Uninvolved parents are like ninjas, always disappearing into the shadows. Rules and expectations? Um, that’s none of their concern.
Now, here’s the thing – it’s not always intentional. Life throws curveballs, and before you know it, you’re struggling to keep your head above water. Mental health issues, substance abuse – it’s like a constant battle just to stay afloat.
But then, how does being uninvolved affect the kids? Well, best believe me when I say it’s always a rollercoaster of struggles. Substance use? Yeah, it’s like a shortcut to trouble. Rebellion? Check. Delinquency? Oh, it’s like a never-ending saga of drama.
And let’s not forget about cognitive and emotional apathy – it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Self-esteem? Yeah, good luck with that. These kids are more likely to be walking on a tightrope of depression.
When it comes to school and social life, it’s like trying to navigate a maze blindfolded. Academic performance? Forget about it. Social competence? Might as well be speaking a different language.
So, if you’re vibing with the uninvolved parenting style, maybe it’s time to check in with your kid, bro. After all, nobody wants their kid to feel like they’re walking this crazy journey alone.
So, there you have it fam – the good, the bad, and the ugly of parenting styles. As for me, I’m just grateful to have survived the authoritarian regime of my uncle and come out on the other side with a newfound appreciation for balance and understanding.
In conclusion, parenting is like a buffet – you’ve got a bit of everything. My candid advice? Find that sweet spot, mix in some authoritative magic, and sprinkle it with a dash of understanding.
Parenting is an adventure, and we’re all just trying to find our way in this jungle.
Remember, we’re all on this crazy parenting ride together.
So, share your stories, drop a comment, and let’s navigate this journey with a good dose of laughter and love. And don’t forget to stay manly.
Olowe Segun
Tolulope
