Ever been in the situation where you see a girl online, check out her profile, liked what you saw, reached out to her to tell her how much of an amazing guy you are, only to be ignored, or perhaps given a one-liner response?…more like she just doesn’t want to be rude and looking for a way to get you off her back. The problem is not her bro, it is you. This article is for you.
Given the busy world we live in now, meeting people is not as easy as it used to be as there’s barely time for yourself, much more going out to meet someone and starting a relationship with them. Much worse if you’re the kind of shy guy that finds it difficult to approach girls. However, social media has made this pretty easy such that from the comfort of your home you can connect with people all over the world, fall in love, or do business. So, there’s nothing wrong with finding love online, in fact, 2 of my friends got married in 2020 to someone they met online…we find love in strange places right?
This post is not about having a long conversation with girls, it’s about getting her to say YES when you eventually ask for a meetup and the goal is to show you how you achieve that from the first message you send to her to when you make a meetup demand for her. But first, let’s get our mindset right on a couple of things;
- HAVE AN ABUNDANCE MENTALITY: Not all girls will feel your vibe no matter how great your texts are, your energy and time are finite and there’s no point wasting it on a girl that wouldn’t come through in the end. The idea is that there are many fishes in the sea, and if A is not responding, B, C, or D will. Also, understand that it’s not only you that is on her matter. Girls generally have a lot of options, either online or in real life so it may not be that you’re doing anything wrong, she just has a lot of guys to attend to. Though your goal is to find a way to stand out from the other guys and we’ll get to that in a bit.
- DON’T STALK HER: So, after texting her on Facebook, she didn’t respond, you went to Instagram or other platforms to text her hoping she will respond there. That’s quite creepy and reeks desperation, personally, I will block you everywhere, lol. Equally creepy is to go liking all her pictures since she opened her account or comment on everything she posts. Don’t do this, it’s counter-productive.
- NEVER START WITH A COMPLIMENT: She’s probably heard this all the time from average guys gushing about how sexy or hot she is. This expressly says you pedestalize her and suggests all you want from her is sex, so you’re more likely not to get a response. Opening with statements like “hey baby”, “hi beautiful” is also a thirsty way to start talking to a stranger. If your goal is to build sexual tension or sexual innuendos right from the beginning, I’ll show you how to do it in an effective and less creepy way.
- AVOID SILLY OR IRRELEVANT QUESTIONS: It’s not a job interview, asking questions like “tell me more about you?” “What is your position in the family?” etc, are sure ways to quickly lose a girl you just met. Chat her up when you have something to say or zip it. A good way to get her talking is to make reference to one of her posts and make a statement about the picture or something. E.g a pic of her in a serene environment… you can say “you must really like nature and wildlife”, then you build a conversation on her response.
- PROMISE FUN AND ADD VALUE FROM THE START: There’s a line in an old school song that goes “ooohhh girls, just wanna have fun” that line is not a lie. Girls like to have fun and what better way to get her talking to you than the promise of fun from the beginning. You plant the seed in her mind and water it with the conversations that follow. Finding a way to add value to her directly or indirectly is also a good idea. You can tell a lot from someone’s profile if you care to study it enough, then find an angle where you come in to give a suggestion or a compliment about something on their profile.
- CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR: You’re an adult man, talk, and text like one. You don’t want to sound too serious and neither do you want to sound too casual, loose, or sloppy that you end up sounding ignorant. Avoid silly abbreviations by all means, write in a precise and concise manner, and don’t beat around the bush. She’s only a girl, she’s not stupid. Also, avoid lengthy texts, it makes you boring and you can lose her along the way for that. Make your words deliberate and straight to the point in a way that communicates intelligence, wit, and class.
- FIX YOUR PROFILE: The online market is a make-believe market, where everyone puts up their best pictures and shows they’re having a good life when it could be the exact opposite in real life. But, the concept is impressions matter and we judge a book by its cover regularly. Make your profile interesting to view, note I didn’t lie about who you are. All I’m saying is make liking you easy for a girl. Take interesting pictures in interesting places. If you do something exceptional, post it, it’ll heighten your public perception, and perception trumps reality. Nobody wants to associate with a loser, therefore make your profile full of life and positive energy and you will get good responses.
- Go for your pay grade: It’s not every girl you like online you slide into their DM. if you see a girl with over 50k followers and you have less than 1k followers, no matter how much you like her, you will be wasting your time sending a DM. The internet favors abundance, just like nature, and the currency is followers. For a beginner or intermediate, I suggest you go for girls with 5k followers or less and as you progress with that and build your followership too, you can upgrade. Generally, I suggest you avoid social media celebs if you want any tangible result from this.
4 ELEMENTS OF A GOOD DM
Your objectives in texting girls: (1) build rapport and comfort, or (2) set up a meet. Number 2 (set up a meet) is your core objective. And the rapport-building or comfort-building you do in #1 must be in service to making #2 a reality. The elements to include in a new text conversation are:
- A greeting: Because you’re well raised and not a social degenerate or sociopath.
- Her name: A mental trigger that personalizes the message and reassures her that you’re talking to her and not just a broadcast message you send to different girls. Plus, everybody likes the sound of their name.
- A piece of information: The reason why you slid into her DM
- A promise of fun or value: What she should expect in spending time with you and choosing you over other guys in her dm.
Each of these plays a big part in the “feel” of your DM and I guarantee you results if you execute well. Let’s put it in perspective…
Me: Hi Shade
Me: Are you ready? ( I plant the seed of curiosity to make her reply ).
Her: Ready for what?
Me: your reward… ( you can use a smiley or exclamation marks at the end )
Her: Reward for what?
Me: your reward for all the bad dates you ever been ? ( you establish fun and value with this line and also show you’re different from other guys and it’s very straight to the point ).
This is usually met with plenty Lol or laughing emoticons and if she’s a fun girl too, you’ll get a response like, how do you intend to do that? Then you build from there. Here’s another example..
Me: Hi Susan
Me: olowesegun123#
Me: It’s important you save this.
Her: What is this for?
Me: It’s my wi-fi password when you eventually come over ( add a smiley and build from there ).
I can give several examples, but context is key and you have to tailor it to the girl’s profile and the platform you saw her on.
HOW TO GET YOUR KIND OF GIRL ONLINE
Girls generally comment more on social media and it’s wise to follow people that share your interest. For instance, you like sports and follow a sports pundit on IG, any girl that follows the same person will most likely be into sports too. When the pundit posts, check out the girls that comment on the post, make your choice, and slide into their DM with the context of their post in mind.
Also, if you want a girl close to your area, type in your area and other nearby areas into the explore page. It’ll bring results of people’s pictures male and female that inserted their area when they made a post. Search from the pictures, make your choice, and slide into the DM.
One size does not fit all and it boils down to your creativity as the man and note that not all women are created equal, some will like to chat and others will prefer a phone call which brings me to my next point…
PROPOSE A DATE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT BEFORE ASKING FOR HER NUMBER, THEN MOVE THE CONVERSATION TO WHATSAPP
Study and know when to ask for her number. Don’t go asking for her number until you establish a reason why she should give you (fun or value). That way she would literally be the one to ask for yours or not object when you ask for hers. Moving the convo to whatsapp makes it more personal and you’re now somewhat in her ‘inner circle’ and out of the general crowd of DMs. You build on from there and don’t lose focus on your main objective, which is a face to face meeting.
Direct messaging is one of the easy ways to meet people and set up a connection in our present world. Don’t sleep on the opportunities that lie therein. Do it right and meet your life partner, fling, or whatever reason you want to do it. Just be careful and watchful so you don’t bring a wolf in sheep’s clothing into your life. Best wishes.
It’s been a pleasure putting this together and I hope you enjoyed it. Please, do well to drop a comment or share it on your social media as well. Thank you
Olowe Segun
Tolulope
