Nobody gives a fuck about men, including the majority of men. The closest you can get as a man to being cared about is being cared about because you’re useful. Implicit to the role of a provider is not being loved for who you are but for what you can do. This is why the transition from boyhood to manhood is usually a rough one for males because they are no longer loved (like when they were little boys) for simply existing. Their worthiness must be proved, or they’re nothing and no one cares.
This post was inspired by a friend who lost his job this COVID 19 period and another that called me up that he doesn’t have shit together in his life and on the verge of giving it all up because no one seems to get him and they still all require him to man up and perform. Part of entering manhood is understanding that we have nobody to truly lean on, we are the ones others lean on.
Hence, success is not a lifestyle choice for us, it’s a matter of life and death. Who’s interested in a loser man? Nobody! The most painful part is that men who don’t make it are not even assigned a base level of compassion or human decency. They’re the invisible underclass.
Even when you make it and fulfill all your roles as the father, husband, friend, etc, it is still a thankless job. You have the all too ugly job of being authoritarian and disciplinarian, bringing and upholding order, the punisher, the prosecutor, the rule maker, the predator, the destroyer, he who brings fear.
You’re always cast as the villain when things get ugly, and your sacrifices as the provider, the protector, the nurturer will most likely be vastly under-appreciated. I know this because I’m a man that transitioned from a boy to manhood, just like you reading and I’ve paid (and still paying) my tuition fees to the game. So yes, I can relate.
However, this article isn’t about whining about your lot as a man, nor is it a battle cry for men to derelict duty. In case you didn’t get the memo, it is what it is, God, biology, nature…call it whatever you want has made you a man and with that package comes the engine to power your mind and body for your functions in this place.
Don’t wish things were easier, wish you were better
Jim Rohn
The idea isn’t to whine about your mission but to equip yourself to face it squarely with your mental and physical health intact. I understand it can be overwhelming sometimes with the shitload of responsibilities, work, family (nuclear and extended), bills, security, etc., which is what this post is about; fulfilling your masculine roles without losing it. We need you bro, to put shit together, to stay sharp mentally, to be a man.
Holding yourself as your mental point of origin, staying strong, and paying yourself first is so important. No one else will do these things for you. The best reason to stay healthy is to be strong, the reason to be strong is to protect the ones you love and fulfill your mission. Therefore, good health whether mental or physical is not just an honor to one’s self, but an undertaking in caring for those dear to you. Really, what good is an idea without a healthy body to execute it? Take care of your body and it will take care of you.
Here are some tips to maintain good mental and physical health. They are research-driven and I’ve tried them, that’s why I can talk confidently about them. If you find yourself always demotivated, tired, or depressed, try them and see your health improve dramatically.
WORK
This could sound counterintuitive to some people especially when your job is the source of your stress. But you need to get something doing as a man, no matter how little you get from it.
It is a modern-day saying that “do what you love”, bullshit “do what you must bro”. Doing what you love is for children and women, it’s not a luxury men can afford.
If you can monetize doing what you love, good for you, but if your circumstances don’t permit you to, do what you must (so long it’s legal and ethical).
Ever been idle or jobless? Remember how stressed out and worried you were? The reason is men derive purpose from their work, it’s a defining characteristic of their identity. Working men are generally happy men. However, when working, work when playing, play… which brings me to my next point.
PLAY
Problem no dey finish, enjoy yourself small
Anonymous
“Problem no dey finish, enjoy yourself small” – Anonymous. Sounds unserious, but that’s the point…enjoy the life of your head while you can bro. Work and problem don’t finish, we were born into it, growing through it, and will still leave it behind for the coming generation. Loosen up a little you stiff, life shouldn’t be that serious.
You did not come to this world to just pay bills, raise kids and family, work, and die.
Enjoy yourself while you’re at it. Do a brain dump after a workday, don’t bring work home, no emails, no problem-solving. If you’re married, be present, be conscious, spend quality time with your family.
Reward yourself with play for every achievement or problem solved. For me, I play video games, music and dance.
No matter how goofy the dance steps, I dance regardless, lol… and I try to hang out with my guys as much as possible. The more contact your play has to do with other people the better.
Whoever made the statement “all work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy” knew what he was saying. Don’t be like Jack.
SLEEP
Recent neuroscientific research puts sleep as the premier booster of your immune system. No other behavior, be it exercise, nutrition, or supplements come close to the power of high quality sleep to strengthen your mind and immune system.
A review of the neuroscientific literature demonstrates that low quality sleep is associated with:
- Decreased energy
- Decreased creativity
- Lowered immune system function
- Decreased feelings of effectiveness
- Increased weight gain
- Increased mistakes and accidents
FACT: 90-95% of all mental disorders are preceded by disrupted sleep.
As stated earlier a lot can make one lose sleep in this present world, we can go on and on. Some time ago, I worried a lot, even when I managed to sleep early, I woke up by 3 am and started thinking about irrelevant things till dawn.
Of course, I started to exhibit all the points listed above. One thing I realized though, some of the things I worry about are totally out of my control, imagine fretting over whether it will rain and how it will affect my day… Totally pointless!
Also, I realized that the issues I have control over just find a way of sorting themselves eventually, sometimes even with minimum or no effort. So, I was just having sleepless nights over nothing. No amount of worry will make what’s going to happen in 2 years to happen today.
You can’t force the hand of events. Here are a few tips to improve the quality of your sleep.
- Don’t watch the news at night; the media thrives on bad news when was the last time you heard something heartwarming from a news broadcast? The last set of information you absorb before bed can sip into your subconscious to make you have a good or a bad night.
- Block out junk light; turn off tv screens, PCs, and lights an hour before bedtime. Lights suppress the body’s natural melatonin production, a hormone which helps to lull you to sleep.
- Meditate; when you hit the bed, meditate on your blessings, not your wants or needs. You are not even promised tomorrow, why bother.
- Soft music in low volume; I use Bluetooth speaker so I don’t have to use earphones and set a playlist of soft music. I drift off to sleep in no time.
- Take supplements; some food supplements have sleep-inducing elements that help you rest very well and if you have a chronic sleep disorder, please see a doctor.
EXERCISE
I’ve never really been keen on exercise, because I’m not fat so which weight am I trying to lose, lol. Then came the COVID-19 lockdown, I started feeling sick after a week, always tired and fatigued. I realized I’ve always been exercising; I just didn’t know it.
The nature of my work requires me to walk long distances, shopping, and carrying stuff. I don’t fall sick even when I’m feeling the symptoms, the moment I get active it disappears. So I started jogging every morning, the change I noticed was phenomenal. I’d been shortchanging myself all along. The burst of energy, the clarity of thought, the increased libido, the confidence, the discipline it encourages, the clear skin…let me stop, lol.
Exercise is not about just losing weight, having a summer body, or other physical aesthetics. As a man, you need to be strong, fast, fit, capable, and prepared so that other men don’t take what is (or should be) yours.
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but that’s what masculinity is all about, our engine (body) is not designed for easy. You build will and discipline exercising and if you have a strong will… almost nothing can stop you.
SAY ‘NO’
You’re not superman, even superman has kryptonite to contend with. Like I said earlier, we are the ones others lean on, we are the glue that binds shit together. However, one of the stressors for men is the way we over-commit ourselves to different people, endeavors, and things.
Saying NO is underrated. Somethings are not worth your while, energy, or attention. Do a quick analysis of anything or anyone you want to commit to, will it add to you emotionally, financially, and spiritually? If not…evacuate.
Of course, people will try to guilt-trip you, but you learn a lot about a person when you tell them ‘NO’ and they don’t get what they want from you. Don’t spread yourself too thin, you’re not butter.
TALK
Men internalize their problems, get into their man-cave, and try to figure out the solution. Women express their problems, get out more, and get help. Guess who lives longer?… right.
Too much talking isn’t a masculine trait, our brain is action-oriented and result-focused, plus talking about problems can make a man feel helpless or inadequate. However, having buddies you can share your burdens with is a life hack many men are missing out on.
Studies show that social interaction helps our bodies to release anti-stress, feel-good hormones when we are around people who care for us. Plus, friends and family can offer some much-needed advice or perspective that can help you manage or sort whatever you’re going through.
While you should be self-reliant as much as possible, there’s no shame in calling mum and dad when you’ve reached the end of your ropes or better still get professional help.
FUCK
Can you remember the feeling you get when you burst your load after good sex? People who have sex have higher levels of what defends the body against germs, viruses, and other intruders.
Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that college students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of a certain antibody compared to students who had sex less often.
Here are 7 health benefits of sex:
- Improved heart health – yes, sex is a form of exercise.
- Possible reduction of prostate cancer.
- Better sleep.
- Happier mood and a stronger relationship.
- Glowing and younger skin.
- Eases stress.
- Reaffirms masculine confidence.
There’s no stipulated rule for frequency of having sex or duration while having sex. We all have different sexual energies and strengths. But the rule of thumb is, make sure your woman cum either by penetration or any other means. Improve your sexual game and sustain her respect for life. Trust me, a well-fucked woman is a happy woman and a happy woman will swim the Nile and climb Everest for you.
So, bro, we need you to keep your knives sharp and not lose your edge. A lot rests on the shoulders of the patriarchy. Let’s be fathers our children can look up to, friends our guys can emulate, and leaders our women can follow. I am thankful for who you are, I am excited for who you can be, I am pumped for where we are going in the future and I believe we’re all going to make it brahs.
It’s been a pleasure putting this together for you, I hope it achieved what I intended, inform, educate, and impart. If it did, please do me a little favor and share with others by hitting the share buttons, there’s a good chance it will help them too. Thank you.
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Amire Steve
Tolulope
